Advent Reflections

So, I've never really "done" Advent before, until this year. I've heard about it for many years. Initially, I thought it was a Catholic thing (no joke). Then I thought it was just for the really religious. And a few years ago, I thought it was just for families for the purpose of teaching their children about Christmas. Finally, this year I committed to "doing" Advent and really understanding its purpose.

And, it was awesome.

Every year leading up to Christmas, I try to meditate on the Incarnation and on why Christ came, but I so easily get distracted. This year, however, I felt so intentional each day as I meditated on Jesus coming as a babe to save us, that it really made a difference in my Christmas. Andrew and I had some of the sweetest moments together and with Sybil as we celebrated Christmas week. Every day our hearts just welled with thanksgiving and joy at the hope we have in Christ.

I swear our hearts almost exploded with the joy of the gift we call Sybil this year. There was one night where we went out to eat as a family. We had an awesome meal and Sybil was especially sweet. She was handing out kisses right and left and "oohing and ahhing" at all the Christmas lights. We took our sweet time and enjoyed each others' presence. When we pulled in the driveway, Andrew looked at me, smiling, and said, "Are you feeling it too?" I nodded and told him not to turn off the car but for us to just sit there. With tears in our eyes, we soaked up the moment. There was nothing extraordinary about that night--just dinner at a normal restaurant and a movie at the house, and a child whose been ours for over a year now. But in the simplicity of it all, with the hope of Christ coming and thanksgiving in our hearts, the ordinary became extraordinary to us. We felt His presence and His favor in His coming to our family. Our hearts began to burst. A moment became a memory.

This continued for several days after...even after Christmas day. Honestly, I feel it now still as I write. I feel His favor in the continued state of Advent--the coming of our Sweet Jesus. There's so much hope in knowing He's coming again. And when He comes, "He will wipe away every tear from their (our) eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away." (Revelation 21:4) There is so much hope in Advent.

May we be Advent-ing all year round. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. May it be a year of continual waiting, expecting great things from the One worth waiting for!

Double fail today.

Andrew and I both had major parenting fails today. Not even parenting fails, but just major failures in any arena, to be frank. It was a scary day in the Laparra household. Here's why:

1. Andrew almost started the house on fire.
2. I almost let our daughter drown.

Thankfully, almost is the keyword here. We messed up big today, BUT there was lots of grace, and the house didn't burn down and Sybil is just fine.

A careless match thrown into a trashcan stuffed with paper, filled our house with smoke during breakfast this morning. Luckily, Andrew smelled it with his Superman nose--we were in the kitchen cooking after all, and there was smoke in there too. He ran to the bathroom, grabbed the trash can and ran it outside to the fire pit, where he dumped it safely. We spent all day trying to get the smoke out of the house.

Then at bath time, Sybil was disobeying. She was standing up in the tub and almost falling, so I spanked her (yes, we spank). She usually has a quick cry and then starts to obey. But today she was especially irritable and decided to throw a full-out fit. She was screaming in the bathtub and then just laid down face-first and inhaled a bunch of water. I had looked away for a second because Andrew was on Facetime with us. When I looked back at her and saw her under water, I dropped the phone and picked her up. She was jerking and having a hard time breathing--and still screaming, or at least trying to. I hung up on Andrew and wrapped her up in a towel and just held her until she calmed down.

She was pretty chill the rest of the night. I think it scared her as much as it scared me.

But as I was thinking about all of this today, I realized we are probably moments and inches away from tragedy every day. Any day, my child could drown or my husband could die in a car accident or my friend could get cancer, etc. Because we live in such a fallen and broken world, these things can (and do) happen whenever. However, because we serve a God who is gracious, these things don't happen as often as they could. It was ALL grace today when my house didn't burn down and my child didn't drown. I am just sure that God is protecting his children through out the day--preventing a car accident here, snuffing out a fire just in time there, etc. If we could only see all He ISN'T allowing to happen to us, I'm sure we'd be filled with gratitude at his protection on our lives.

We deserve death. This is a biblical fact. We are all depraved and not one of us can do good. We have sinned against a righteous God and He cannot tolerate us. But, thank God he sent Jesus in our place. Because Christ has lived the life we couldn't live, and died the death that we deserve, and rose from the grave, we don't have to die now. That's major grace. And anything past that? Still grace, more grace.

As Christmas nears, my joy grows fuller as I look to the Christ who came (and comes, and is coming). Everywhere I look I see signs of grace--all from Him, the source of life and grace. I'm so thankful we have a gracious God...and that my house didn't burn down, and my child didn't drown. Amazing grace.

What's not to love about December?

A few things I love this season...

-Being alone together. Going to a coffee shop with a book and my headphones and sitting in a corner with someone I love doing the same thing right next to me.
-Drinking a warm drink with both hands coddled around it and my face planted in the cup.
-Sybil's crinkled nose when she smiles so hard her face looks like it will explode.
-The sound of leaves blowing across the pavement.
-White Christmas lights strung beautifully, simply, and with tact.
-Kissing Sybil's forehead before I put her to sleep.
-Sweetly hugging my husband when he gets home from a hard day's work.
-Listening to instrumental Christmas music and thinking about Jesus as a baby.
-Climbing into a warm bed with freshly washed sheets, crisp and tight.
-The hope and promise of a Savior, who came and is coming, around every cold corner.

Merry Christmas and happy holidays, friends. Remember the reason for celebrating...Jesus, the only one who saves. Blessed be the Incarnate God.

My One Year Old!

Today is Sybil's birthday. My husband said (after the experience of labor and birth) that birthday's should be for the mothers, not the children. I think he is onto something...

As I reflect back on Sybil's birth story, I am blown away at how she has grown out of so many things and into so many other things in just a short 12 months. The process of human maturation is truly a miracle from birth to death. My sweet child went from a helpless seven pound infant to a crawling, walking, talking little human in the blink of an eye it seemed.

I don't even know what to say about this past year, aside from the fact that it has been amazing. Having and raising a child is one of the greatest gifts of life. Today, as I decorate the house, make cupcakes, and invite family over to celebrate, I reflect on the gift of life. Not only physical life, but spiritual life. If my child grows and becomes great in all things in this physical life, but does not know Jesus, she has accomplished nothing. And so, today, on Sybil's first birthday, what I want most for her is rebirth. I pray Jesus would be working in her small heart that she would come to know her Creator and be born again. Even though she is still such a small human and has yet to fully understand, I still pray. I beg God to save her and use her for His glory. And I will pray this every day until he saves her.

Happy birthday, sweet Sybil. You bring me and your papa so much joy and we are so thankful for you. Be filled with peace and joy and grow in the knowledge and grace of your Creator. Know Him and love Him, sweet one. Life is death without Him. He is the way, the truth, and the life.

My Most Important Tool

Today I read something that I really had to stop and think about. I am still processing it, but I have a feeling it will be something that lingers, and possibly revolutionizes the way I see myself, physically, now after becoming a mama.

I've never really been one to struggle too much with my self-image...until pregnancy and post-partum. It's like every day I look at myself in the mirror and think, "this is not my body." But, it is. It's just not the body I remember having. It's like I expect to wake up one day and all the sudden my body has returned to it's prime condition. I know, I'm crazy. And then I remember...my body, this body, created and grew a human being--a person. And then fed that human for six whole months, all by itself. And then suddenly I give myself permission to "look like this."

So today I was encouraged when I encountered a very different and helpful perspective on this. Mamas out there, read this and be encouraged. Here is what I read:
"Motherhood is a demanding job. It is so demanding and intrusive, in fact, that it takes over your body. It uses your body, oftentimes rather roughly..."
"First of all, our bodies are tools, not treasures. You should not spend your days trying to preserve your body in its eighteen-year-old form. Let it be used."
"We should not be trying to fix it up to put it back on the shelf out of harm's way or to try to make ourselves look like nothing ever happened...Scars and stretch marks and muffin tops are all part of your kingdom work. One of the greatest testimonies Christian women can have in our world today is the testimony of joyfully giving your body to another...Carry the scars joyfully as you carry the fruit of them." (Excerpts from Loving the Little Years by Rachel Jankovic)

My body is a tool. Of course. Tools get used, and well used tools look worn. My body is also the temple of the Holy Spirit. So, as I use it, I must maintain it and care for it. Let me also mention, the writer quoted above went on to speak of maintaining and caring for your body as well (losing the appropriate weight, eating well, etc.) She's not just saying, "wear your sweatpants all day and let yourself go--it's okay." In fact she says, "Maintain it (your body). Having sacrificed your body for your children is no excuse for schlepping around in sweatpants for the rest of their childhood."

So, mamas of all stages (5 days post-partum or 8 years post-last-child), be encouraged. Wear your scars proudly, but keep working hard to maintain the one and only tool given to you by the One who knows exactly what you need and what it needs to look like!

My Second Child...

I've never really considered myself an entrepreneur. I've always been a leader, but one who would rather co-lead instead of paving the way as the pioneer. Until now...

Becoming a mother changes everything. First and foremost, it changes your occupation. Whatever you were doing before you had children quickly becomes secondary once you've birthed those babies. When you're a mama, that is your primary occupation. And let me tell you, it is the most rewarding one on the planet! There are many of us moms who have the privilege of staying home and caring for our littles. Then there are many mamas who get the chance to multitask at the highest level and hold a job while still caring for the little people. I have been blessed to solely care for Sybil for now almost the whole first year of her life. But as finances change and life continues, I must now become one of those moms who works and cares* for babe (*read as works). So, I will be doing something that suits me well--event coordination!

I have named this second child Freedom in Fruition. The name stems from the fact that most people who plan events never get to actually enjoy them as they come to fruition...unless I'm helping! My sole purpose in this business is to give freedom to enjoy events to those who would otherwise be tied up by the behind the scenes work of the day-of coordination of the event(s).

I am both scared and excited as I enter this new stage of life and give birth to something like this. I need help promoting this, since obviously it's brand new. So, tell your friends and families who need day-of event coordination help about Freedom in Fruition. I reeled you in by the title, didn't I? ;) Trickery or good marketing?

Deceit: "Why it feels so good to be just a little bit bad!"

Friends, I rarely ever read magazines. In fact, the last time I actually read a magazine was when I was in the Dr.'s office waiting an hour and a half for my glucose test--and I read purely out of boredom. However, the man who rented our house before us subscribed to like a million magazines and we still get them all. Things like Good Housekeeping, Esquire, Parents, and something like Guns, Guitars and the South (not kidding)...the list just keeps on going.

Every once in a while, I'll flip through these magazines looking for good recipes before I throw the magazine away or give it to Sybil to tear apart in pure joy. Yesterday I picked up "Good Housekeeping" and ran across a short article called, "Why it feels so good to be just a little bad!"

The subtitle says this: "Letting loose can take you to a place of unexpected joy. Try it, and experience the uplifting rewards."

I was intrigued so I turned the page, and what I read next was simply horrifying. Immediately, I knew that for every suggestion they had, there was a Bible verse warning to do the exact opposite. Here are the top 10 things they suggest to do in order to receive more joy (this is verbatim, no exaggeration needed):

1. Gossip
2. Flirt with a man who's not your husband
3. Read erotica
4. Spend the day in your pj's
5. Procrastinate, then tell yourself you're being creative
6. Don't censor yourself (excerpt: "sometimes you just have to toss an F-bomb")
7. Eat two desserts, or have a third cocktail
8. Be gleefully grabby (excerpt: "a little bit of me first-ism can make you giddy")
9. Be selfish in bed (excerpt: "lie there and let your husband do all the work")
10. Get mad and stay mad (excerpt: "instead of adhering to the adage forgive and forget, its sometimes wiser to remember...")

Is this not absolutely disgusting?! This is the kind of crap the world is selling us. Friends, this is absolute deceit. I know most of you reading this will not believe any of these lies, but for anyone out there who reads this and believes that joy will come if you subscribe to any of these suggestions, I am pleading for you to read on. Here are just a few responses to the 10 lies listed above...

--Proverbs 11:28, Proverbs 16:28 "A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret."; "A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends."

--Exodus 20:14, Proverbs 6:32, Matthew 5:28 "You shall not commit adultery."; "But a man who commits adultery has no sense; whoever does so destroys himself."; "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

--Proverbs 10:4 "Lazy hands make for poverty, but diligent hands bring wealth."

--Proverbs 23:20-22 "Do not join those who drink too much wine or gorge themselves on meat, for drunkards and gluttons become poor and drowsiness clothes them in rags."

--Philippians 2:3-4 "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others."

--Ephesians 4:25-27 "Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold."

Friends, this is exactly how sin works: it promises joy by lying to us and leading us away from true joy. The only pure joy to be experienced is found in Christ. "Do no be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your minds..." (Romans 12:2) 

My little peanut is seven months old!

Somehow, some way, my daughter has been here for seven months already. Parents told me, before I had her, that it would go so fast and to soak up every minute of it. I believed them, but I didn't fully understand how fast was "so fast."

I have had many friends have babies and/or get pregnant since Sybil was born. This has caused me to recount Sybil's birth story and her early infant days over and over. It all is so fresh in my mind still, yet somehow it feels like my baby is not a baby anymore. A lot happens developmentally at four and six months, so I feel now, after passing those milestones, that she is a different child. I am amazed by her every day and so overjoyed that I am her mother. I am blessed beyond belief.

Here are some things she is doing:

-Standing up all the time (holding onto things or people)
-Getting more teeth (she now has some on the top and bottom!)
-Blowing bubbles with her spit (gross, but cute)
-Eating (finally) all sorts of baby food and big people food
-Sleeping through the night!!!!! (this is new, so I hope it lasts, but finally I'm getting more than 6 hours at a time)
-Not crawling* (I might have a walker who skips crawling altogether, people)
-Laughing at everything

The Gospel and the Price of Tea in China

I am a perfectionist when it comes to so many things, and I am so exact when it comes to assessing the bits and pieces of life. My husband will tell you this is one of his least favorite things about me. He'll say "Yeah, it was like $10 or something," and I'll quickly chime in to let him know it was "only $8.99." It's not even about being right anymore (or is it?) but about being true to what is being talked about. It's so weird. It eats me alive if it (whatever it is) isn't exactly portrayed as is. We could be talking about the price of a cup of coffee here, or how many diapers I changed that day. What is wrong with me, people?!

Why am I like this with the smallest, most insignificant things yet when it comes to Biblical truth I am not quick at all to correct lies being told by the enemy?

Last night at church, I caught the end of the sermon (because let's face it--moms never get to hear the whole thing), and our Pastor was talking about this exact thing. He said he was at the Dentist the other day and they were having a conversation about the "end" and the dentist said, "I just try to live right and hope for the best at the end." My pastor's response to that was "Hmm," all the while thinking, "Dude, you're going to burn in hell with that way of thinking." He said, "I so easily let a false gospel pass by me, not correcting it and not taking the opportunity to share truth with this man." I was immediately convicted thinking of all the times I've done the exact same thing--even with people I know. I will let someone say they're a good person and believe they're going to heaven because of that, but I won't allow my husband to round up when we're talking about the price of gas. What?!

Pastor Andrew challenged us to, like the Apostle Paul, be ready--ready for sharing the one true gospel and for the consequences that come with that. I am so not ready, but I want to be. I need help to memorize Scripture, to speak boldly, to decipher the lies, and to be as critical with the gospel as I am with the price of tea in China. God, help me.

There is one true Gospel and we, as Christians, are called to defend it with our lives. May we be ready.

Easter and Motherhood

In three days Sybil will be six months old. That means she has been with me for half of a year. Unbelievable. We've had kind of a rough start: one week overdue, emergency c-section, wouldn't eat=losing crucial newborn weight, hip dysplasia, thrush, wouldn't eat again, reflux, and yup, that's about it. But in all this, she has brought me so much joy. Knowing now the love of a parent--a mother specifically--changes everything.

Tomorrow is Easter, and this week I've thought a lot about Mary and how she felt when she watched her Son and God's Son suffer and die and rise again to save the world.

I cannot imagine her pain and internal suffering festering as she watched people physically destroy her Son. She watched as the God-Man was whipped and beaten, skin being torn from his sides, nails being driven into flesh and bone. I can almost feel the hot tears welling up in her eyes, the burning in her throat as she held back screams of injustice, knowing that this was His plan all along.

As a mother, I cannot imagine that feeling of helplessness when it comes to your child. I want to cry when Sybil has a cold or is not getting the nutrition she needs. So clearly I cannot fathom what it would be like to watch your child being beaten and ridiculed before your eyes. I would come apart. I would scream and fight to get to my child with all that I had. I would probably get myself killed while trying to save my child from the suffering before me. But Mary. She was an incredible woman of God. She stood by and supported her Son as he sacrificed Himself to save sinners--to save even her. Oh, Mary. The one who said (in regards to being chosen to carry the Son of God), "Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word." (Luke 1:38). I wonder if she knew all the emotions that would come with her servitude. I want to be more like her. But more importantly, I want to be more like the Son she raised.

Jesus, conform me to your image. Thank you for being the perfect Lamb slain for me, defeating death once and for all.

Happy Easter, everyone. Hallelujah, He's risen!

My best friends: Jesus and the breast pump

These days of parenting seem to be increasingly difficult.

Maybe it's me. Maybe it's my child. Or maybe it's the Lord trying to teach me valuable lessons. Most likely it's all three.

Sybil hates eating. Yes, you read that correctly. More importantly, she hates drinking. You put anything on a spoon and she'll eat it. Give her the breast or a bottle (filled with anything) and she'll turn her head in a 360 like the girl on the Exorcist, pursing her lips together and squealing like a child being abducted. (Okay, that's a bit of an exaggeration--but not much.)

Syb had thrush (or "Thrust," Andrew calls it--kid you not) for about a month from late December to late January. We tried everything to get rid of it--dietary changes, natural oils, sanitization of everything, anti-fungal creams and medicines, etc. Finally, about two weeks ago we seemed to be completely rid of the Beast. She then breastfed as well as any four-month-old would, being distracted by everything and talking during each feeding...not getting a whole lot, but being satisfied.

That lasted for about a day.

She then decided she didn't want the breast and would not eat. I repeat, my child would not eat.

So, I introduced formula and bottles on a regular basis, while also always offering my breast first. So for the last two weeks she has been breast feeding 1-2 times per day and bottle feeding the rest with either pumped milk or formula.

You know what that means? It means that if I want to keep my milk supply at all, I'm now best friends with the breast pump. I swear, every time my husband walks through the door, I'm sitting on the couch with my boob hanging out, pumping perfectly good milk while my child sits happily on the floor waiting to drink it from a bottle. This is craziness, people.

Now, before y'all judge me (you perfect mothers out there), you must realize I've read every blog on breast feeding, read La Leche League book (and website), talked to a lactation consultant, and talked to my pediatrician twice. I am doing everything I can to hold on to breast feeding and do what's best for my child.

In the meantime, the breast pump and Jesus truly are my best friends. I'm praying before and during every feeding--asking for grace to get through. And let's get real; Jesus created the breast pump and it is the best thing ever since sliced bread for us struggling moms. So I'm glad to call it my friend.

On a more encouraging note, Sybil is gaining well over the average amount per week for a breastfed baby her age and her diaper output is more than enough. So, she's not in the danger zone health-wise, although she is mommy-wise.

Here are a few amazing websites I've been using:
http://www.kellymom.com
http://www.lalecheleague.org
http://www.babycenter.com 

I hope all you breast feeding moms out there find help in your time of need by approaching the throne of Grace and visiting some of these websites :)

Give me what I need, not what I want...

Someone once told me that parenting was trial and error. I laughed and thought they were a bit crazy.

I now fully agree with them.

My four-month-old keeps throwing curve balls at me and I'm left to guess what she really wants and needs. Now, I do realize that wants and needs are VERY different. Yet, I somehow thought that at this young of an age typically they are synonymous (eat, pee/poop, sleep--the life of a baby). I'm clearly wrong because my child has an opinion about everything!

Here is what Sybil has to say right now:
1. I want to eat...NO, I want to play! Wait, I want to eat again.
2. I need to sleep...just kidding, I'll lay in my crib for an hour and talk to myself and cry.
3. Mom, I need your breast milk...but wait, could you please put it in a bottle and heat it up? And if you don't, I will bite your nipples off and then smile at you. Thanks.
4. Oh wait, that bottle of breast milk that you just pumped for me, I changed my mind. I'll have formula instead. Never mind that I hated it a month ago.
5. I really would prefer sucking on your nipple while simultaneously sucking on my hand. Can you work with me on that?
6. I'm the cutest ever, and I know it so don't mind that I just threw up all over you and completely missed myself. You have time for laundry, right?

That's just a sample of my life right now. And although somewhat frustrating, it is hilArious. I am trying all the time to not laugh at her and encourage her. She's ridiculous.

But in all honesty, I'm just learning how much sin is in her young heart and how much sin is still in mine. I have to ask Jesus for grace each moment to love her and give her what she needs and not what she wants. After all, that's what I want God to give me too--what I need; not what I want.

Have mercy on me, Lord. This child is a handful already.

Oh, and she has teeth and she can roll over. The little baby days are over.

in-fat-u-ate

I want to be infatuated.
I want to be obsessed. In every sense of the word.

In-fat-u-ate: to inspire or possess with a foolish or unreasoning passion, as of love (dictionary.com)

I want this for my soul--my inner-most being. Lord, give me an infatuation with Christ Jesus. And give it to me quick.

I think of the Gospels and all the testimonies of people Christ helped. The woman caught in adultery, the man at the pool who had been lame for 38 years, the poor man possessed by demons and chained to the ground, the woman hemorrhaging for years, spending all her money on cures and failing to find hope in anything, and on and on it goes... These people, I'm sure, after being healed or even just being in the presence of Christ, were infatuated. I mean, can you imagine meeting a Man/the God who suddenly met your every need and made you whole in an instant? Obviously, immediate infatuation would occur.

I am one of these people--healed from the inside out--yet, still I ask why does my infatuation with Him not follow? I was lost and searching. A sinner, chained and dead. And He came, in grace and truth and offered a freedom I didn't even know I needed. How can this Just and Righteous God come to a lowly sinner and offer Grace? I do not know, but I don't have to know in order to receive it. In fact, I'll spend the rest of my life trying to understand. And with each small glimpse of understanding, I'll fall more in love and become more infatuated with the One who came to save me.

So today, with the grace I've been given from my husband (who willingly stayed with Sybil so I could get out), I pray for infatuation. And I ask you'd pray for it too.

A Quick Look Back at 2012

Preface: We are crazy. Here are a few things in 2012 to prove it:

*We got pregnant

*We got a new car (we went from two cars to one SUV)

*We spent as much time as possible together, as newlyweds

*We had a niece and fell in love with her

*I stopped running (temporarily)

*I weighed the most I've ever weighed and Andrew weighed the least he's ever weighed

*I've cried the most I've ever cried

*We decided we were moving away from Minneapolis

*I learned a whole slew of things about labor, birth and babies, becoming an advocate for natural birth

*I met new friends who just happened to be my midwife and doula

*We had our first baby and fell in love with her

*I had my first surgery (c-section)

*I quit my job and became a stay-at-home mom

*We celebrated one year of marriage

*I went to the Chiropractor for the first time in 15 years (it was AMAZING!)

*My parents had everyone home in NE for Thanksgiving for the first time in years

*Andrew quit his job

*We moved/drove across the country from Minneapolis, MN to Greensboro, NC with an 8 week old infant and a cat, hauling a trailer (23 hours)

*I spent Christmas with my in-laws and loved every minute of it

*We signed a year long lease on a 3 bedroom house in Greensboro (a year is a long time commitment for us, people!)

*We found the church we've been searching for for years. Our new church home is called Mercy Hill and we love it!

*Andrew got a job at Apple

I'm sure I'm missing some things, but that will do for now :)

Sybil's Birth Story: Part 3

After Sybil Elise was born, I had no idea what type of recovery I had ahead of me. I was so drugged up and exhausted that my body was numb to what it had just been through. When they wheeled me into recovery my stuff was already there. Andrew came in with our baby girl and handed her to me. I looked at her, cried, cuddled with her, cried some more, and then tried to breast feed. I could barely lift my arms and it was hard to hold her head without hurting her. (She had head trauma from the attempted vacuum extraction). So she got frustrated and cried and then I cried more, so we stopped trying.

Becky came in and held her for about a minute and then she had to leave to fly home. Finally they wheeled us into our official room down the hall from the nursery. My parents were there and gave hugs and kisses and got our keys from us so they could go rest at our house. I was so tired I could barely function, but I did not want to sleep because my baby was finally here. I put Syb in the nursery and gave up and fell asleep. This was at 9am on Tuesday morning. Reminder: I went into labor Monday at noon. That's 19 hours, people. I only slept a couple hours before I was interrupted by doctors and nurses checking on me constantly. I soon found out we had a 5 day stay ahead of us. Bummer...

A pediatrician came in to check a few things on Sybil. She passed all of her tests with flying colors except for the fact that she had a "hip click." As the doctor explained it to me, I still had no idea what was going on. He ordered an ultrasound on her for the following day. After the ultrasound, the doctor called me and confirmed that Sybil had hip dysplasia. He explained that her right hip didn't grow into the socket and her left hip, although not as severe, didn't either. He made an appointment for us the following Monday and told us to put three diapers on her at all times in the meantime to keep her hips apart. I still had no idea what was going on until that Monday appointment.

During our stay, Sybil continued to have difficulty breast feeding. She would not latch and her head trauma didn't allow much time for her patience during a feeding. She kept losing weight. I had to hand express my colostrum and feed it to her in a dropper, like a little bird. It was frustrating for all. On day four, the doctor came in and told me that she had already lost 10% of her birth weight and if she didn't start gaining again, we would have to keep her in the hospital. I was praying for a quick turnaround that night.

That night we had a new nurse named Katie. She just happened to be a lactation consultant too. Every feeding that night she came in a worked with us. She brought a nipple shield and encouraged us to try it. Sybil was able to latch on with the nipple shield! That night she fed many times and we were encouraged. The next day they said they would release us and send a home care nurse to us the following day to weigh Sybil and see if she was gaining. Andrew and I were so exhausted and so sick of being in the hospital. We were ready to go home and rejoicing that after five days, we now could. We loaded up Sybil and all of our stuff and went home. My mom was at our house anxiously waiting for us and was ready to serve us in our exhaustion and time of need.

Finally I was home and now I could process all that had just happened to me. I realized I hadn't even told my close friends or family that I had a baby. I hadn't planned to be in the hospital for five days recovering from a major surgery.