Part 3: I'm still sick and waiting

It's Christmas Day. I've been out of the hospital for exactly one week, and I still feel the same.

It's been the longest week of my life. This trial has proven to continue on in every way. Sybil had the hardest time adjusting to me being away for a week and then back, but in bed all the time. She has done several things very uncharacteristic of herself: crying for hours, whining, being disobedient, having accidents in her pants, and not wanting to sleep. In addition to this, my medication has given me the following side effects: dizziness, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, and difficulty sleeping.

With all that said, the last week has been taken one day at a time--one moment at a time. There were days when I didn't get out of bed. Days where my only goal was to take a shower. Days where I put jeans on instead of sweatpants. And days where I wore make-up for the first time in weeks, just some powder and blush to give me some color. Each day, I have physically felt about the same with a few changes here and there. The nausea comes and goes each day. I feel a little like I'm pregnant without the rewards of a baby in the end. But overall, each day has gotten me closer and closer to the One who loves me.

I have felt the Pursuer come after me. As Christmas approached, and I felt worse and worse physically, I felt better and better spiritually. He came after me, showing me Christmas is truly about Him. When I have nothing to offer, it's much easier to receive the Gift before me. The more I suffer, the more I think of Christ's suffering and how much worse it was. And then. And only then, do I count it a privilege to suffer with Him. The most encouraging thing in all these days of suffering has been some sweet words from Charles Spurgeon:

"Do not think that as you grow in grace your path will become smoother and the sky calmer and clearer. Quite the contrary. As God gives you greater skill as a soldier of the cross, He will send you on more difficult missions. As He more fully equips your ship to sail in storms, He will send you on longer voyages to more boisterous seas, so that you may honor Him and increase in holy confidence."

Friends, this tells me God is doing what I asked of Him--sanctifying me, bringing me closer to Him, loosening my grip on the things of this earth, maturing my faith. Therefore, in the midst of this trial, I welcome this trial. Thank you, Jesus, for truth and hope in you.

Part 2: I'm sick and here's what's helping

So, after my break down in the car and with my husband, we just lingered a while. I told him I didn't want to go to Chapel Hill. I had enough for the day and wanted to just deal with it tomorrow. Andrew asked a bunch of questions about my dr's visit and about why we had to go to Chapel Hill. I couldn't fully answer his questions because, I myself, was still confused. Andrew called my dr. to get a reason why we needed to go to CH. As soon as he got off the phone, he said we were going.

When we got to the Chapel Hill ER, we entered and I gave them my whole spiel. They put me straight into an ER room and read my labs and ultrasound results, which I had brought with me. Then the kicker came. "Mrs. Laparra, I know you don't want to do this again, but we are going have to do everything over, here, because it is protocol. I can't even let you see the OB on-call unless we go through all the steps."

If I'm honest, I wanted to punch someone in the face. The thought of going through one more test, especially a repeat one, just made me furious. What was the point? Why did I just waste my whole morning doing that at my dr's office if I was going to have to do it here? Not to mention, the repeat money we were spending, that we don't have, to do tests that I didn't need. This seriously infuriated me.

On Monday, at the end of the day, this is what I had been through: two urine samples, three blood draws, four pelvic exams, four ultrasounds, an admission to the hospital, three hours in a dr's office, two hours in the car, and five hours in the ER...and still no clear answers.

I'm not typically a complainer. In fact, stuff like this usually makes me more grateful than anything, but I gave in to my flesh and just let loose. I was feeling like the old lady in the Bible whose been hemmorhaging for 12 years and has seen every doctor and still remains unhealed and suffering.

But here it is: she had hope. If she could just touch the fringes of Christ's robe, she'd be healed. She just knew it. Where was my hope? Was I looking for His fringes? Was I hoping in Him?

I was reminded of a song I have had on repeat for the last three weeks. One of my favorite lines in it is "I will stand my ground where hope can be found." That phrase fuels my soul. My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness. I will stand my ground there, where hope can be found. I'm staying. I will stand with Him, for He alone is my hope in this broken world. He alone shines light in a world where sometimes babies die right when they're born, where tests often times don't lead to answers, but only more tests, where families are broken, where children are abandoned by parents, where racial tensions are so high people can't even leave their houses, where darkness seems to be everywhere, looking to consume anyone in it's path. But God.

God is light. And in Him, I will put my hope and stand my ground.

I've been in the hospital from Monday and I leave today or tomorrow. I leave with antibiotics and hopes of healing, but this isn't over. Unless God chooses to miraculously heal me, I will most likely be back. It's the critic in me to say that, but if you saw my ultrasound scans I'm sure you'd feel the same way. I just don't know if antibiotics will be enough. The dr. says the worst case scenario would be surgery to remove both my right ovary and fallopian tube. But for now, we wait. Just like I've been waiting these six weeks. I wait more. But at least, I can wait in confidence that I am loved and cared for by my Jesus who gave His life for me, that I might have life in Him.

I will stand my ground where hope can be found.

Part 1: I'm sick and here's my story

It's been a hard two months. November and December this year have proven to be the most difficult months of my year, maybe even my life. For the first time in my life, I've been sick...really sick. Not like the flu or a cold, but a long-term problem. I have too many symptoms to list on here but I first started feeling symptoms around the beginning of November. Since then, I have had major fatigue (like can't move, let alone get out of bed, fatigue), sharp abdominal/pelvic pains, little to no appetite, headaches, weakness and light-headedness, and difficulty going to the bathroom (due to the abdominal pain). These are just a few of my major symptoms.

So, the first week this went on, I thought I was pregnant. I took two pregnancy tests and was convinced, even though they both said negative, that I really was pregnant.

The following week, I still thought something wasn't right and convinced myself that it must be my IUD. That week I went to my dr. and got an annual exam and removed my IUD. At that appointment, she said everything looked "normal" and said she thought the problem might be my bladder.

From that point, until I went to the ER (the first time), I thought I had a bladder infection. After I got the results back from my urine culture, indicating nothing was wrong with my bladder (and I definitely wasn't pregnant), I became really confused and frustrated. Meanwhile, my poor two-year-old was becoming used to "watching shows" and eating dinner on the couch.

Over Thanksgiving weekend, I had a couple really bad nights with a fever and extreme pain. I could feel something growing inside me, and if I'm honest, I couldn't help but think it was cancer. We went to the ER in Greensboro and frantically found a sweet college student from church to watch Sybil, bless her heart. We were at the ER for five or six hours and I was diagnosed with a hemmorhagic cyst on my right ovary. It was the size of a golf ball, filled with blood (hence, hemmorhagic) and leaking. I was told to "wait it out" because these things almost always resolve themselves, and get a follow-up ultrasound in 6-8 weeks.

I left feeling relieved it wasn't the "c" word. I was also thankful I knew what it was and that I could now take something for the pain.

I thought I was on the uphill swing.

And then, I got worse. I just kept getting more tired, more weak, more light-headed. I didn't want to eat. I didn't want coffee--my favorite beverage in the world. I couldn't cook for my family, clean my house, or barely get dressed and ready each day. I was growing so weary.

Less than a week ago, I started getting severe fevers and shaking at night (the teeth-chattering kind of shake). Of course, it happened on a weekend night so we were waiting for Monday to call my dr., because we sure as Starbucks weren't going to the ER again...or were we?

Monday morning I called my dr. and told her what was going on and got right in at 9am. I was there until 12:30 doing every test I've already done and of course just more waiting. The one thing I did learn at my dr.'s office was that my "cyst" was now an "ovarian mass". During the ultrasound, I listened to the dr.'s talk:
-"What is that?"
-"Where is the uterus? Can you even separate the uterus and the ovary and the mass?"
-"I don't know what I'm looking at here."

I'm sure you can imagine how clarifying that all was (not). So, I get out of the ultrasound room and wait another hour for someone to tell me that they think it is imperative for me to go to Chapel Hill and see a specialist...TODAY. Apparently, the main dr. said to my dr. while I was not in the room that if I was his daughter, he would want me to get this taken care of immediately and not wait one more second.

I left that place with my labs, and directions to enter the ER at Chapel Hill and ask for a specific dr. I was promised that I would not have to repeat any of the tests or labs I had just done over the past three hours.

I got in my car and broke down. In my heart, I said, "This sounds like an emergency. This is really serious. Maybe it is cancer." With tears streaming down my face, I got home and informed my husband of the "plan".

To be continued...

I want a window above my kitchen sink.

I've never been one for dark places. When I move into a place, I seek out the brightest bedroom. When I enter a building, I sit closest to a window or door. When I want to think, I go outside--in the light. I seek out light. I search for it on rainy days, gloomy mornings, and evenings where the sun is still to be found just over that hill or that tree. I thrive in the light. I think this is true of most of us.

These days I spend a lot of time at the kitchen sink (as every mother, wife, or cook does). Because we live in a townhouse (with another attached to the back), there is no window above my sink. There is no natural light in my kitchen, and it's killing me. I just want to look out the window at the changing leaves, the blowing wind, the blue sky, the busy life in my street. I want to feel like I'm out in the world, even when I'm inside washing dishes. I want the light to cascade into my window, onto my soapy hands, and warm my face. One day (hopefully soon, maybe in our next house) I want a window above my kitchen sink, and light in every room.

I think this hunger for light is only a sign of our deep desire to rid the darkness around us. More than just seeking a bright place, I must seek the true Light. In every day circumstances, as the dark world drags me down, I must look for the Light. That Light brings me hope, offers me salvation, and emanates love. Just as I search for light in my dark kitchen, I must search for The Light in this dark life--seeking joy through Him. When your life is looking gloomy, look to the One who brightens your perspective with the truth of who He is. He is light and salvation. He is truth and grace. He is all things good. Find that sliver of light in the darkness and run to it today. He'll take that sliver and make it an open window, a bright light, a ray of hope and joy. Stay there. Linger. Let the Light hit your face, warm you slowly, and give you goosebumps. Let the Light do what it does--pierce the darkness.

"Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, 'I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.'" John 8:12

My two year old going on fourteen

Dearest Sybil,
Please slow down. You are growing up too fast. Maybe it's because you move at the speed of light or because time just never stops, but you're getting too smart too quickly.

My little baby, who only a year ago began to walk and talk and eat big people food, now has no limitations. You talk in full sentences, always telling me exactly what you want and saying words like "decoration" and your full name, even with the L's and S included. You somehow conjugate verbs on your own, without ever being taught how. You run everywhere, leaving no room for weight gain and that little butt remains a baby butt, able to fit in the palm of my hand. You put your socks and shoes on by yourself. You're potty trained. You pick your own clothes out--and sometimes, it's not half bad. You dance like an 80's rock star...and often times have a headband to prove you're rockin' the 80's. You can recognize the letters A, B, and C. You count to 10 in English and Spanish. You hum songs and raise your hands in church as we worship Jesus. You pray in the sweetest little voice while you're hands are folded so perfectly.

You often times outsmart me. You cannot be manipulated or coerced. You are stubborn, oh so stubborn. But you are so sweet. You apologize and thank me without prompting. The other day you thanked the waiter for bringing our food while we were out to eat. You know how to push a stroller--understanding that you need to push your right hand when you want to move left, and your left when you want to move right. When asked how old you are this week, you delightfully yell, "Two!" and put your two fingers in the air. You express your love so frequently, yelling, "Mama, I love you!" What can't you do?!

I am amazed by you, child. I barely remember when you were in my womb, kicking me continuously. I do, however, remember laboring for you, pushing for four hours, and then having to cut you out anyway because you chose to not turn your head. You were stubborn from the beginning. I should have known nothing would change. You bring me and your father more joy than you'll ever know. You're so weird and quirky, having to do things a certain way and having OCD as a toddler. Sometimes when I am surprised by your weirdness, I only have to remember how weird your parents are and then just laugh. You're just like your father, and only a little like me. I'm glad you got more of him than me. He's a treasure and so are you. Please stay young, little one. The world is too harsh to want to grow up so quickly. Enjoy your innocence and the days where your every need is cared for.

Happy birthday, my sweet love. I pray I'd have you by my side for many more years.

Love,
Mom, mommy, and mama (since you call me by all three)

Day 30::The Last Day (30 days for 30 years)

I can't believe September is over, I'm 30, and I've blogged every day this month!

I don't really know how to end this. I don't feel like ending it with something trivial because, for the most part, this gratitude blog has been pretty serious--naming real people who have impacted my life in a real way these 30 years. But at the same time, I feel like I've covered most of the important people in my life.

There's a few people I feel like I could thank again because A. I love them so much, and B. I'm continually grateful for them each day, But I don't want to repeat anything so here's my final gratitude post, one which covers over the multitude of all the other posts (and people).

Today I am thankful for freedom.

-Freedom in Christ, which allows me to live under the law without being crushed by the law.
-Freedom in this country, to leave my house and not be afraid, to worship and not fear death.
-Freedom to be myself. So many of my friends and family have encouraged me and pushed me toward being who I am. They loved me through the good and bad and have always supported me in life.
-Freedom in speech, to speak up and give my opinion, to speak truth, to encourage and exhort.
-Freedom in travel. It has been a gift to travel, and I'm sure will continue to. I never want to take for granted the privilege to get on a plane and fly somewhere...it's a gift.
-Freedom to love. In Christ, no one is unloveable. Because Jesus dwells in me, I have the freedom to love anyone and (hopefully) everyone.

Thanks to all of you who have encouraged freedom in my life--helping me not to be chained to sin and death, but to live in the freedom of Christ. Thanks also for those of you who followed my blog this month. It was a sweet journey, reflecting on the past 30 years of life.

Day 29: 30 days for 30 years

Today I am thankful for community, culture, and diversity.

Growing up in Nebraska, I didn't really experience much of any of the above. I think that is why I longed to get out of there so quickly. Once I hit college age and was (pretty much) on my own, I explored and quickly found different cultures fascinating. I hungered for people who were different than me and who had things to teach me.

I found community during Campus Crusade, but not a lot of diversity or culture, really. It wasn't until I graduated college that I really got to meet people from other backgrounds and make friends who, frankly, weren't white.

I love community, culture and diversity because they show the beauty of God's creation. What if we were all the same? How boring would that be?! God is so creative in the way He made us all and it is a joy discovering how different we all are. I love having friends with different skin colors, different backgrounds, different ages, different languages, etc. It is a beautiful thing to see the common bond of Christ (and sometimes just the bond of humanity) bring different people together.

I can't wait for the day where every tribe, tongue, and nation is in one place worshiping the One who created them all! So thankful for this today.

Day 28: 30 days for 30 years

Today I am thankful for Doris Nolan.

Doris, our time together in San Diego was irreplaceable. Our prayer times together were powerful and encouraging. Our relationship was 100% centered around God, and it was such a precious thing for me.

You are one strong woman! I know your strength comes from the Lord, but still, you are one of the strongest women I know. You taught me so much about prayer and faith. I miss our time together. I'm so thankful for a sister like you. Keep seeking Him and walking with Him in all you do.

Love you, dear friend!

Day 27: 30 days for 30 years

Today I am thankful for my sister, Heather. It's her 37th birthday today.

Growing up, we didn't really connect. I think mainly it was because we are seven years apart and were never in the same life stage together. It wasn't until I was about 18 that we started to have a real relationship. It was then that I discovered her depth.

Heather, you have a kind heart. You're so protective of things and people that you love. You are loyal. You work hard and you persevere. You are smart, goofy, and funny. I'm so thankful you found Trevor and that he treasures you for who you are and doesn't try to change you.

Thank you for being my big sister, for caring for me, and asking questions about my life. I'm thankful for you!

Day 26: 30 days for 30 years

Today I am thankful for Ben and Lauren Whitley, and Tristan and Ashley Carnahan.

I've heard countless times married couples' struggle with finding other married couples where the husbands connect as well as the wives. I know Andrew and I have run into it a few times, however, we've made out well with good couple friends. Here are two of my favorites.

Tristan and Ashley, our time together was so sweet--our stories so similar. I love that we got married around the same time and had babies around the same time. God was kind to give us each other. Tristan, you are such an encouragement to my husband. Thank you for being a friend to my best friend. Ashley, you are such a servant. Thank you for loving me because you first loved Andrew :)

Ben and Lauren, it has been such a treasure getting to know you guys and living in community with you. I'm so thankful God brought us together here in NC. You guys are some of our closest friends here and I can't wait to see what God continues to do with us together. Thank you for loving us so well. Lauren, you give more than anyone I know. Your generosity pours out through your time and your many gifts :) Ben, you love people so much and it is a pleasure watching the Lord work through you. Thank you guys, for loving Jesus and loving us well.

I'm so thankful for married friends!

Day 25: 30 days for 30 years

Today I am thankful for Katie (Roche) Maurer.

Katie, God gave you to me at such a crucial time in life. I had just moved to MN and had virtually no friends. I was desperate for women in my stage of life. I still remember the moment we sat next to each other at Bethlehem. You were a kindred spirit in so many ways. Our prayer times together were so encouraging, not to mention all our other moments together--Merlin, great beer, Zoo Animal, singing together, knitting together, and so much more.

Thank you for investing in me, teaching me more about Jesus and my identity in him, and introducing me to some amazing people. God has done so much in both of our lives since we met. It is such a beautiful story of God's faithfulness in our lives and fruit from prayer.

Hope you are well, friend. Thanks for impacting my life for the better.

Day 24: 30 days for 30 years

Today I am thankful for my friends from college.

College was not my most favorite time, but I definitely had some sweet moments with some amazing people. Here are just a few who really impacted my life.

Katie Hansen, you are such a dear friend. I loved our time living together in 2004. You have always loved and supported me in all I do. You have been encouraging and loving. It has been a joy to see the story of you and Luke unfold...and now there's Cash, sweet boy. I love having you as a friend who can pick up right where we left off, even if it has been months or even years. I cherish your friendship.

Heather (Mullen) Eigsti, you were just such a refreshment in my life. I remember seeing you in one of my English classes and thinking you had such a joyful face and demeanor. Little did I know, there was so much Light behind that joy. You are loving, kind, creative, and such a people person. It was a joy doing ministry alongside you in college. It saddens me that I'm not near you as you are a wife and mother now--I'm sure you're amazing and I'd love to see you in action. Love and miss you, friend.

Day 23: 30 days for 30 years

Today I am thankful for my friend Ellie Bradley.

Although I do not get to see her or talk to her much, I still think of her often. She means so much to me.

Ellie, you are one of the most godly women I've ever met. You are loving and joyful in difficult circumstances. You are sensitive to the Spirit, and live in the Spirit instead of your flesh. You submit beautifully to your husband, and love your children with a sacrificial love. You speak of the Lord with such tenderness. You are after His heart, and it is evident in everything you do.

I have learned so much from you and consider you one of my sweetest friends. Thank you, my friend, for loving Jesus and loving me.

I'm thankful for my 26th year of life, when we prayed together and did community well. It was a beautiful thing. Love you.

Day 22: 30 days for 30 years

Today I am thankful for Fall. It. Is. My. Favorite.

I love how the leaves turn slowly, and then fall with the gentle breeze. I love the crunch as your tires roll over the dusty road. I LOVE the array of colors everywhere, the cool mornings, warm afternoons and fireplace-worthy evenings. I love drinking hot coffee, hot cider, and hot chocolate. I love, love, love pumpkin baked goodies, roasted pumpkin seeds, and yes, the pumpkin spice latte.

I love Fall parties with bonfires, jack-o-lanterns, candles burning, and people chatting.

But most of all, I love how Fall signifies the beauty of death. The leaves slowly die as they change colors and gently fall to the ground, leaving behind a carpet of glory. As winter slowly creeps in and everything dies and gets brown, I am reminded of the reality of death. But then there's Fall--which reminds me that although death is a reality, in Christ life will return and resurrection is just around the corner.

Through death, there is life. With Him we die. With Him we will rise. There is beauty in dying to ourselves, in killing our flesh and living through Christ. And there is beauty in dying leaves and cold fronts moving in and death can be colorful.

For this I am thankful.

Day 21: 30 days for 30 years

Well, it's my birthday today and so, I think I'll be thankful for birth. :)

In all honesty, I have grown to love the process of pregnancy, labor and birth and the miracle of a new life being born into this world. With that said, this cannot be done without people who know what they are doing and who also love this type of miracle. So today, I am thankful for the best midwife I know--Martha Scheumann! And the best doula in the world--Carlie Veeder.

I learned so much while I was pregnant and preparing for Sybil. Some information I learned was exciting, some a little scary, and all of it, very new to me. I was a bit overwhelmed, and not really happy with the care I was receiving with my OB. I felt like just another number each time I went to the doctor's office. And then God brought me Martha *sigh.

Martha not only put my mind at ease by her sweet and peaceful spirit, but also gave me so much information and supported me in my pregnancy, labor and birth. Martha, I could not have gotten through my labor and birth without you. You were such a gift to me, as a midwife and as a friend. You are gifted at what you do, but more than that, you are a light in this world. You shine with the love of Christ and I am blessed to know you. You got me through such a special time in life!

Carlie, I learned so much from you. You and Fred swept Andrew and I up in such a time of need. You welcomed us into your life, your church, your community, when we needed it most. God used you so much in my life. You are the best birth coach I've ever known, and of course, I don't know how I'll ever have another baby without you! Thank you for being such a strong woman, both in physical strength and spiritual strength.

My birth story with Sybil was not ideal, but just how God had planned and I learned so very much. You can read my story here.

I am so thankful for the miracle of birth! Amazing.

Day 20: 30 days for 30 years

Today I am thankful for my time in Lima, Peru with some pretty awesome people. In 2007, I spent about 5 months in Lima with Word Made Flesh. I learned some pretty hard lessons and some pretty great ones.

I learned how to love simplicity. Taking away daily luxuries (like washing machines, dishwashers, Starbucks, wifi, etc.) taught me how to find joy in doing things simply. It slowed my pace of life down so much and surprisingly, I really enjoyed it. There was NO rush for anything. I learned so much in the quiet of washing my own clothes on the rooftop, washing pots and pans with dear friends next to me at the kitchen sink, improvising in our cooking because we couldn't get a certain ingredient, only getting what you need for the day and not worrying about tomorrow.

I'm so thankful for being able to live in community and experience simplicity together. Monica, you were such a great leader. You lead by example and it was such a joy to serve with you. Sarah Dyer, you taught me so much about embracing who God made me to be and being comfortable in my own skin. You are such a unique, gifted individual. Megan, you brought me so much laughter. It was a joy to be your roommate. Marissa, I'm so glad you were my host sister! You have so much joy and I truly felt we were sisters. Thank you for loving me well, all of you!

Seven years later, I still look back often on a few things from my time in Lima:
-My 23rd birthday when eggs were smashed on my head and flour was caked all over me.
-The streets of Lima and the dear kids who live there.
-The lesson and joy of simplicity and walking in solidarity with the poor.

I am thankful for my time with beautiful people in a beautiful and broken place.

Day 19: 30 days for 30 years

Today I am thankful for the ability to learn and for the gift of teaching. It is a privilege to learn and have information at our fingertips. I never want to take if for granted. I also don't want to forget how great it is to have teachers who are so good at what they do, they make you love the subject regardless of what it is!

I have had many teachers impact my life in small ways through out my 30 years. Here's just a few:

-Señor L, you were one of my favorite teachers in high school. You made learning a different language fun and you didn't treat me like a child, but like a friend. I loved your class.

-Mrs. Epp, I was only a first grader, but I remember feeling so loved by you. Thank you.

-Mrs. Baker, you were one of the sweetest teachers I've ever had. You made my fifth grade year--a very awkward year in the life of a girl--much better. Thank you for your kindness to your students.

-Ms. Conner, you inspired me in many ways. You helped me to embrace my creative side and pushed me towards excellence in art and volleyball. You actually pushed me in the right direction for college--pursuing advertising and journalism and being able to use my love of art within them. Thank you!

-To the Creative Writing Genius who taught my favorite college class, I'm so thankful for the way you taught and encouraged...and I'm sorry I can't remember your name, Professor.

To all you teachers out there, you are really making a difference! Thanks for what you do.

Day 18: 30 days for 30 years

Today I am thankful for random people who impact your life without even knowing it. Some of these people I knew for a short time, some of them I don't even know their last name, but each of them impacted me in a positive way.

I am thankful for Erin, my camp counselor during summer camp the summer before my senior year of high school. She showed me that you can follow Jesus and still be yourself, incorporating your love for Him in the gifts he has given you. She also put me on to nose rings, of which I have had one since my 19th birthday. Thanks for that, Erin ;)

I am thankful for Alex, an ex-gang member living in Compton. I met Alex the summer I spent in LA with Crusade. After getting over my fear and intimidation of him, we became fast friends. He has an amazing story; coming out of drugs, gangs, gunshot wounds, and much more. He showed me that no one is too far gone. God does miracles all the time and saves people the world thinks are not salvageable.

Thank you to the countless Craigslist interactions I have had that have encouraged my belief that all people want to connect on a deep level. To the lady who drove halfway to meet me with a bed when I needed it last minute. To the older couple who sold me a running stroller and cared about my life and my baby.

It amazes me how one interaction can impact someone in such a good or bad way. I am thankful we have an opportunity to love complete strangers. I hope I have done some of these things for people I've interacted with in a quick moment of time! I would encourage you to too.

Day 17: 30 days for 30 years

Today I am thankful for work.

Work is such an interesting thing. We have to do it to survive so it often feels like a burden, yet we find so much satisfaction and purpose in working...when we have a job that fits us, that is.

I have had many jobs in my 30 years. Some of them were serious, some of them were fun, and some of them I hated. Probably my favorite non-serious job was working at Blockbuster during college. I loved the weird evening hours, the regular customers, and the FIVE free movie rentals each week. I also really loved working at coffee shops as a barista. It required so many of my favorite tasks--loving on people while keeping busy with my hands, multi-tasking to the max, and of course, drinking coffee.

Then I had a few desk jobs, which I quickly grew weary of. I'm the type of person who needs almost a perfect balance between being with people and being alone, so these desk jobs just didn't cut it. I was so lonely!

And now, after 30 years, I think I've finally found something that I love and I'm good at--event coordinating. It is just such a joy for me to run around and multi-task, meeting new people and making things happen, all while someone gets to enjoy the event without having to work it.

I also, obviously, love being a wife and mother, which is a job in itself. I'm in such a fun time of life right now as I use my time and talents to do what God created me to do. I am thankful that God has given me work!

Day 16: 30 days for 30 years

Today I am thankful for old friends made new. I've moved around a lot since college and haven't lived in NE since I left there in 2007. It is rare that I live in the same city with people I also grew up with in Nebraska, but it has happened a couple times. It's so interesting to navigate relationships with people who knew the "old you" and who know the "new you." It has been really sweet getting to be a part of this process with two specific people.

Today I am thankful for Brenna Augustin and Eric Ablott. They knew me in high school and know me now. I'm so thankful the Lord placed me in Minneapolis with Brenna and Tate for three years, and now in Greensboro with Eric and Charlotte. It is such a gift to continue relationships with people that you've known for many years. There's something about these relationships that make God's faithfulness so much more obvious...probably because we've walked through so much together over the years.

Brenna, I miss you. You were (and are) such a great friend to me in Minnesota and I was blessed by our time together. It redeemed so many of our high school moments. I've seen you grow so much since then, and I hope you can say the same for me.

Eric, I love having you in the same city, the same community, the same church. You are a faithful friend and I have grown so fond of your second half, Charlotte. She's perfect for you and I am blessed to know you both. I have also seen you grow so much and have been able to see the Lord's hand in your life, working miracles everywhere you go.

These friendships are some of the most special I have, and I truly cherish them. I'm thankful for the years we had together as teens, but even more so, the years as adults, where we can pour into each others' lives and see God at work continually. Love you guys!

Day 15: 30 days for 30 years

Today I am thankful for nap-time. Although not a person, nap-time is a very important thing in my life these days.

Ever since I had Sybil, I've been very protective over the hours I have while she's sleeping. It is the only time I get to do what I need to do without interruptions. I have even resorted to trying to shower and clean BEFORE nap happens, so that I don't have to "use up" my time doing those things when nap-time starts. I sometimes will even ignore phone calls (sorry, people) during nap-time so that I get the full two hours to myself. I'm kind of crazy about this.

During these two hours, I get to start my day over. Sometimes, I even take a nap myself. But most of the time I use nap-time to spend with the Lord and search my heart...and maybe spend time with my husband (if he's home) or someone else (if Andrew stays home while Syb sleeps). I truly miss the days where my "free time" wasn't limited to two hours a day. But, this is what I have and I am SO thankful for it. At least my kid is still taking naps! Two hours is better than no hours.

So, moms, let's raise our glasses to nap-time and what it means to us!

I am so thankful for the gift of sleep--for my child, and even myself! Now, I'm off to take a nap :)

Day 14: 30 days for 30 years

Today I am thankful for my in-laws, specifically the women in the Laparra family. How can I be so blessed to have married into the family I did?

I've been in countless conversations with people about how much they dislike their in-laws, and quickly I realize I cannot relate. I love my in-laws and really connect with them. They truly have become my family and I feel so at home with them.

In fact, my sisters-in-law have become not only my sisters but also my friends. Elisabeth lives with us, communes with us, and pours into us. She is kind, loving, servant-hearted and goofy like her brother. We are kindred spirits. Rebekah is such a joy--always smiling, always helping, always loving. Leah is a servant at the core. It's clear she loves Jesus with all her heart and serves others because she wants to serve Him. And Abbie, oh Abbie...she is so sweet, so innocent, so kind and silly.

Then there's Becky and Amber, who are connected through marriage, which immediately means I am one of them, since I too married a Laparra. Becky is sassy, outspoken, loving, witty, and oh so dear to me. Amber is one of a kind; patient and loving...all demonstrated through her love for Paul. Ha!

And last, but not least, there's my mother-in-law, Susan. Susan is one of the most Godly women I've met; kind, loving, submissive, possessing a gentle and quiet spirit, generous, and so much more. She has more patience than I can fathom. Raising 12 kids is no joke, and she has done it well. She is a blessed woman and it is plain to see God's presence in her life. I am so thankful I can learn from her and call her mom.

I love the Laparra girls. I'm thankful for each one of you! And I'm proud to be a Laparra.

Day 13: 30 days for 30 years

Today I am thankful for like-minded people who become fast friends. I'm thankful that within the body of Christ, you can meet someone and connect so deeply and so quickly. I've had several of these types of friends in my lifetime, but today I am thankful for one specifically--Danica Kushner.

Danica, I have loved getting to know you. It has been such a joy to connect over our love for food, CA, cafe au laits, and most importantly, Jesus. You are one of those friends who brings life and inspiration to me each time we hang. I love that, even in just a few months, we have connected so deeply and so easily. You are one of my most honest friends and I love that about you.

It is such a joy to know you and to see God work in your life. I'm so thankful our paths have crossed in my 29th year of life. You're a gem!

Day 12: 30 days for 30 years

Today I am thankful for travel and the many opportunities I have had in my 30 years to explore this world.

My time in some of the places I'm about to mention was entirely too short. I'd love to go back to a few of these countries and explore more. Here's some of my favorite travel memories.

-In 2005, I visited California for the first time and fell in love with that state.
-In 2007, I lived in Peru for five months and got to explore the beauty and brokenness of Lima, a city of 9 million people, many of whom live in deep poverty.
-In 2011, I traveled to Uganda to help at an orphanage with a small group of people. I fell in love with the culture, the people, and the red dirt of that country. One day, I will go back!

This year I'm on my way to India with the love of my life. I'm excited to explore and am so thankful for the opportunity to go. It is such a gift to travel, a luxury really. I am thankful for the ability to fly above the clouds and see the glory of God so clearly as I travel. I'm also thankful that we are not all the same. God made every culture, every country so different and beautiful. He's calling every tribe, tongue and nation to himself and I love seeing it!

Day 11: 30 days for 30 years

Today I am thankful for a friend, mentor, and sister in Christ who I've known my whole life. Jen Stutzman.

Jen, you have taught me countless things. I have some sweet childhood memories of jumping on your trampoline, riding your horses and learning how to be a country girl from you. When you and Jake first got married, even though you were just wee babes, I looked up to your marriage and your passion for Christ. I finished high school, hoping I'd find a love like yours both to Jesus and to Jake. But even more than those memories, I have had the sweetest moments with you in our adulthood.

You have mentored me in ways you do not even know. I've learned how to be real, honest and vulnerable by watching your life. I've learned how to hunger and thirst for righteousness by watching you run hard after God. I have seen you cling to our Savior when times are good, bad and worse. You're always pointing me to him.

Your deep questions are loving. Your jokes are funny. Your tone, sincere. You love me with the truth of the Gospel. You are a friend like no other. (I'm tearing up just thinking about you!)

I think in all my years of knowing you, the sweetest one has been my 25th year. The year you adopted your children. The year I moved from San Diego to Minneapolis. The year God showed me truth and solid doctrine and more of His amazing grace, through you and your family.

I am thankful for our friendship and your life. Love you, dear friend.

Day 10: 30 days for 30 years

Here we are in the double digits already! I'm not even close to running out of things/people to be thankful for.

Today I am thankful for children, but especially my child. Kids are truly such a gift from God. They bring a joy and innocence that can bring clarity in life. It is a miracle to watch them experience things for the first time, and therefore find a newness in those things ourselves.

I have had several children impact me as an adult, but none like my own child.

Sybil Elise, you are one of a kind. You are so goofy like your father. You're incredibly smart for your age. Your stubborn heart is incredibly hard to deal with, but one day I believe it will help you conquer your biggest dreams. You make me laugh, you make me cry (both good and bad tears), and you make me a better person.

I am so thankful God has allowed me to have such a wonderful child, even with all her idiosyncrasies. Much love to the one who will only hold my right hand, only go potty backwards, prefers to eat food from only my plate, and wants to do everything herself! I'm thankful for my 28th and 29th year of life with you. I can't wait for many more.

Day 9: 30 days for 30 years

Today I am thankful for my dad. He is such a kind, loving, faithful, goofy man. He has always made me feel loved and welcomed, just as my Heavenly Father does.

I can't count the number of times my dad has brought me joy in a time or moment of sadness. He has always known how to make me smile. When I'm feeling down, I just want to be around my dad. He's so cuddly and comforting. I have been, for these 30 years, and will continue to be, a true Daddy's Girl.

I get to see him in less than 2 weeks for the first time in a year, and I am so excited! The laughter that follows my father everywhere he goes is plentiful. He makes up words, turns phrases upside down, and puts a bit of himself in everything he says and does. His goofiness brings me true joy. I love my dad and am thankful for all he has taught me the past 30 years.

Day 8: 30daysfor30years

Today I am grateful for a certain season of life, a time that shaped me and taught me about God, community, and mercy:--the summer of 2005 when I lived with 25 college students in the wonderful city of Los Angeles.

Last night, I drove around downtown LA with Sarah. I saw, once again, tents lining the streets, shopping carts filled with treasure, and the beautiful people who call these streets home. I was brought to a place of nostalgia. In 2005, God opened my eyes to what the church is and how He meant for it to demonstrate His love and mercy in every corner of this world. That summer, I saw miracles, learned how to love, understood true community for the first time, and watched Scripture come alive. I'm so thankful for my 20th year of life that shaped me and stretched me so much.

Because of this season, I will always and forever have a dear love for Los Angeles and the people of this city.

Day 7: 30 days for 30 years

Today I am grateful for real, true friends (of which, I have many and will only mention a few today).

I have friends who care for my soul, ask hard questions, know my love language, and help me to grow creatively, spiritually, and mentally.

Jenna, you teach me how to have faith and adventure--to jump in with both feet and not care what others think, but to follow God on this crazy adventure of life.

Cynthia, you make me use my brain--to think, process, problem-solve, grow and strive. You inspire me. You point me to God in such a special way.

Sarah, you point me toward the Spirit and help me to listen to Him more. Your joy and your light bring me to a happier place, a place with every possibility.

From the early days of college, where I met Jenna, to the sunny days of San Diego where I met Cyn and Sarah, I cherish the moments and years I've had with each of them.

Day 6: 30 days for 30 years

Today I am thankful for marriage, and more personally, my husband.

I don't have enough space or time to write down all the things I am thankful for in my husband. He is too great. Tears come to my eyes right now even as I think of my love for him. (Maybe because I haven't seen him for five days...but still.)

Marriage is amazing. It is better than I ever thought it would be. Becoming one with someone through The One is truly a miracle and gift on this side of heaven. It gets better every year with every trial and joy bringing us closer together.

I'm thankful for my Andrew. Here are a few reasons why:

-He loves Jesus with all his heart.
-He's kind.
-He is bold, brash, real, and vulnerable.
-He serves me, our daughter and our community with selflessness and passion.
-He knows me and still loves me.
-He challenges me simply by being himself.

I am so in love with my husband. I can't believe I get to spend the rest of my life with him. I'm grateful for my 27th, 28th, and 29th year with him. Here's to my 30th year with you, babe...and then 30 more, and 30 more!

Day 5: 30 days for 30 years

Today I am thankful for the Truth.

I am grateful to those preaching and teaching the truth of God's Word even through trials, persecution, rejection, and scrutiny.

Here are some people who have impacted my 30 years with slamming truth in my face and heart:

-John Piper
-Leonard Ravenhill
-Francis Chan
-Steve Lamm
-Andrew Hopper

I am super grateful for these men of God who don't budge on Truth.

Day 4: 30 days for 30 years

Today I am thankful for alone time. I am the type of person that needs ample alone time in order to function and love people well. As I reflect on the alone time I’ve had over the past 30 years I recognize the different types: A) That which was sought out. B) That which was given to me in a season of life. And C) That which I longed for but rarely got.

I think back on many years where I practiced Type A alone time. Through out high school and college, I loved people but sought out time to myself where I could think, process, grow, and learn about God through experiencing Him in the quiet of my room. Then I remember a season of loneliness where I longed for more community, a husband, a church body, a group of people who loved me, etc. but didn’t get it. I look back on that Type B alone time and realize it was an incredible gift from God. I was forced to be comfortable by myself and to find my identity in God alone and not in who I hung out with. I remember it being so liberating. I even got so comfortable with being alone that I chose to go to a movie by myself—no shame accompanied me, just excitement! If God hadn’t given me that season of loneliness, I wouldn’t be who I am today. Being alone with God shapes who I am when I’m around people.

I now have Type C alone time; I search for it every chance I get, but only get it every once in a while. As a mother, wife, friend, community group leader, and much more, I find it difficult to get away. When I do truly get away it is due to the graciousness of my husband and his family, who so willingly watch Sybil and free me up. 

I am so thankful for any alone time I get these days. I feel blessed to get it at all. I also am incredibly grateful for the time I had in the past to just spend hours by myself, with the Lord, in the quiet of my room, my house, the world. There are so many precious moments to recount during those seasons. Some of my favorite moments of life have happened when I am alone but surrounded by people in this crazy world. Feeling an intimacy with your Maker in the midst of a crowd of strangers is a very special feeling. I then find I belong in Him alone.

Single people (yes, again I speak to you :) ), soak up these days where it is just you. You have the opportunity to be alone with the Lord, with no interruptions. You’ll never get this time back. It’s precious. See it as a gift and please, don’t wish it away.

Thank you, Jesus for alone time.

Day 3: 30 days of gratitude for 30 years of life

Today I am thankful for my mother. I owe so much to her. She not only birthed me, fed me, taught me, and led me, but she has loved me well. I never knew the sacrifice moms have to make until I became one. And now I know it is so great.

Mom, you've done so much for me. Thank you.

Thank you for getting me through these 30 years of life and encouraging me to be the best I can be. You love me so well and are not only my mother, but my friend. Thanks for raising me, momma.

Day 2: 30 days of gratitude for 30 years of life

Today I am thankful for married couples who love single people and invest in them.

There was a time in my life when I knew very little of marriage, and what I did know, was not a proper view. I was hungry for people who loved God to show me how to love each other.

So, I am thankful for Matt and Johanna Jones...who demonstrated marriage in all its glory. They taught me to love my husband with a Christ-like love, to recognize my selfishness quickly, admit my wrong-doings and forgive as Christ has forgiven us. They showed me a love within marriage that I didn't think possible. I am so incredibly thankful for my time not only in relationship with them, but my time living under their roof where everything real and raw happened each day. I am thankful for my 26th and 27th year of life under their influence--their beautiful, Christ-like influence.

Matt and Johanna, I miss you more than you know!

*Married couples! Please love on single people. They need it.

30 Days of Gratitude for 30 Years of Life

I can't believe I'm almost 30. There are days I still feel like a child. But, then again, there are days where a certain season of life feels like centuries ago. I guess age is really just a number. It's very easy for me to make my birthday all about me. So to fight against that, I'll be thanking God, and most likely, thanking someone He has used in my life, every day this month.

Day 1:
Today I am thankful for salvation...coming out of darkness and into light. I am thankful that God often reminds me of my past, even though it is painful at times, because then I see his glory all the more in bringing me out of death. I have a tattoo (and have for years) and this is what it says: "But as for me, God will redeem my life; he will snatch me from the power of the grave." Psalm 49:15

He truly snatched me up when I was in high school. I was in such a dark place and he found me. And the two people he used most when he first brought me into the Light were Lacey Reineke and Luke Hoselton. Thanks guys, for letting God use you in my life during my 18th year of life! I am thankful for you both.

Family

For many years now, I've been learning that family has less to do with the blood that runs through our veins and more to do with the blood in which we have or haven't been washed. The more I learn about my God, the more I understand what he means when he talks about family. Here are some hard thoughts on what family means when you are a follower of Jesus.

For those of you who don't know, I've had a "falling out" with my sister. I don't like to even call it that because it was a choice by me and my husband. Almost a year ago exactly, we took the risk of never being able to have a relationship with my sister again by simply speaking some hard truths into her life, knowing she might not receive them well. And she didn't. I cried and I wrestled with God about her response. I hated the fact that she didn't understand what I was saying and that I was saying it in love. However, I do not regret what I said or that I said it, for me, to not say it would be a sin. ("So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin." James 4:17) So now, here we are a year later, still not having talked after that conversation. She gets married in 8 weeks and I will, most likely, not be at the wedding. A family's worst nightmare, right?

I've always talked about the cost of following Christ, and over the years I've experienced some trials and persecutions that come from following Him, but by far, this has been the most difficult. So, over the last year, as I've prayed and talked about the situation over and over again, I have come to a conclusion...

Jesus came to divide. He came with a sword to separate followers of Christ and followers of this world.

"Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person's enemies will be those of his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." Matthew 10:34-39

Jesus also shows us what family is to him in Matthew 12:46-50

"While he was still speaking to the people, behold, his mother and his brothers stood outside, asking to speak to him. But he replied to the man who told him, 'Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?' And stretching out his hand toward his disciples, he said, 'Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.'"

If we are called to live like Christ and to walk as he walked ("By this we may know that we are in him: whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked." 1 John 2:6), then we are to view family as he views it. We are to make hard decisions in some of our relationships. We are to pick up our cross and follow him...to death (and resurrection and life!).

Thankfully, still some of my family members are united with me in the blood of Christ, not just the blood in our veins. Many of you might have families who all know and walk with Jesus, and therefore you have close relationships with each person in the family unit. Count yourselves blessed. For to not have that and to have to sever an artery of family is to go against the grain of this world, and to break our hearts.

Please hear me in this, I'm not telling you that if you have unbelievers in your family, you must cut off ties completely. In fact, I would discourage that greatly--and instead, encourage you to love them well with the love of Christ and pray for them to come to know Him. I am saying, however, that the day will come where following Jesus will absolutely get in the way of fitting in with your family, if you're in love with Jesus, that is. I'm also saying that the people who have been washed in the blood of the Lamb are your true family, not the people who look like you because of genetics. 

What is your definition of family? Is it the same as Jesus'?

Mother's Day

This post is a bit late, but it's important so I'll post it anyway.

This was the sweetest Mother's Day yet. I had such a great and memorable day with Sybil. I went to a new breakfast place in Greensboro with my sister-in-law, Elisabeth, who lives with us. We had amazing food, delicious coffee, and great conversation. It was a treat to start the day out at such a sweet place, maybe even now my favorite place. Then I came home to this:

Daddy and Sybil had picked flowers, cleaned the house, and wrote a special note for me. It was precious. 

Andrew actually had to work that day, so he left and it was just Sybil and me. I attempted to feed Sybil lunch and this happened: 

It was such a precious moment. She NEVER falls asleep outside her crib! It made my day.

During her nap, I spent time with the Lord and thanked him for the last two years of being a mama. I felt his presence in an overwhelming way. Then Sybil woke up and we played ball and giggled and just enjoyed each other immensely. When Andrew came home from work, we loaded up and went to church. Our church home is awesome and we love going. It was the perfect way to end our day. 

I am truly so thankful to be a mama. It is the greatest gift I can receive, aside from Jesus and my husband. I am honored to care for my child. It is the best job there is. I feel incredibly blessed to get to stay home with her.

Such a fun stage!

My sweet baby is not much of a baby anymore these days. She turned 1 1/2 this month and has been showing her personality so much. This stage is a blast and I'm starting to understand how one's child(ren) can become his/her best friend. They are just little people, little friends!

Here are some things Sybil is doing/saying these days:

1. She's really beginning to tell me what she wants. If she's not doing it verbally, she is showing me in very blatant way. Two examples of this...a) We were reading a book that was teaching counting in Spanish and it just happened to use fruit with each number. We got to number three where there were three strawberries displayed. She said "three" and then "strawberry". I then moved on to "four" and she said "strawberry". After agreeing that there were strawberries, I ignored her and went on to "five". She stood up, walked over to her high chair, climbed in and touched the tray, saying strawberry. This mama finally caught on and I went and got the girl some strawberries!
b) I went for a run this morning. After I showered up and came downstairs, Sybil followed me into the kitchen. She opened the cabinet and pulled out a pan and then handed it to me. Then she tapped on the oven/stove. I looked at the clock and realized I had lost track of time and it was lunch time! So I followed her cues and made the girl some lunch. She's SO obvious and SO clear.

2. The Sybil show airs at 5 and 7pm every night. When this girl gets tired, she gets so goofy. So every evening she entertains anyone around. Most of the time she just makes silly faces or runs around the room as fast as she can, but sometimes she does some really weird/hilarious stuff. Yesterday she went up and down the stairs with her head between her legs, laughing and smiling. Then today she would pick up a toy, set it on the shelf, and then secretly knock it off and die laughing. She is her father's daughter--a true goof at heart.

3. She is saying everything right now. She pretty much repeats the end of anyone's sentence. We figured out her method the other day. Andrew asked, "Sybil, do you want a dog or a cat?" She excitedly replied, "cat!" One second later, "Sybil, do you want a cat or a dog?" "Dog!" Whatever you end with, that's what she chooses to repeat. (We must beware on those accidental one-word sentences :/)

4. She's learning to sit still (finally!). We have just recently introduced a few Disney movies (starting with Frozen). She is obsessed. This child, who usually has an attention span of 15 seconds, is sitting for whole scenes, even whole movies now. She calls Frozen, "Broze" and asks for it by name every day. While she watches something that she likes, she sits on the couch bouncing her legs, smiling, and laughing under her breath. It is the. CUTEST.

5. I once thought Syb was going to be a tomboy, but her inner girl has been coming out lately. Her newest thing is getting freaked out by dirt. She will come to me, shrieking, with something stuck on her finger. The second I pull it off, she's fine. Or, if there is a hair or spec of dirt floating in the bathtub while she's bathing, she shrieks and frantically pushes the water away so that the "gross" thing will not touch her. It's comical.

6. Lastly, she's so affectionate. Just recently she learned to say "love you," but even before that she had been signing "i love you." Now she willingly will hug my back and say "wuv you," and...I melt.

Just wanted to share with some of you a few things my child is doing. I am one proud mama.

Kicking the sugar habit

I read an article a couple months back about the negative effects of sugar. It made me so sad because I am such a sweet tooth. I love sweets. When it comes to them, I have no self-control. None. So naturally, I ignored the article.

It kept coming up in my mind though. Each time I picked up a sweet, it whispered to me, "you eat this and you know what it'll do to your body." After the knowledge of sugar's death trap haunted me for a while, I decided I would try to give up sugar for a while and see how it made me feel.

So, this month, I am starting slowly. I'm giving up sweets--cookies, cake, ice cream, candy, flavored drinks, and all that refined sugar in all its glory.

Next month, I'm giving up all sugar...so, I won't eat anything with sugar in it (basically all carbs too). I've been waiting to do this because we haven't had fresh veggies for the winter, but now as summer approaches, veggies are literally flowing in our household. <---- This is due to the fact that my sweet in-laws work at a Farmer's Market and get us fresh veggies weekly for free. Last summer, we basically became vegetarians, but not on purpose; we just had so many veggies and couldn't eat them quick enough. Anyway, because of this, I have no excuse to not eat healthy the next several months.

I am also starting a food journal. I was reading a blog about giving up sugar and the writer encouraged people to write down what they eat and how they feel after they eat it. I took to that right away, because I feel so crappy and bogged down so often after a meal. I am so excited for the next two months. I think this will be a great challenge and fabulous change for my health, which will hopefully lead to long-lasting change in my eating habits.

As I enter this challenge, I think of why God made food. He made it to nourish our bodies, to give us energy, to enjoy it and glorify Him in eating it. I have been abusing food for too long and I'm finally seeing and feeling its effects now. I want to be energized when I eat, not feeling like a nap is imperative. I want my baby belly to go away (I mean, for the love, it's been a year and a half). I want to be healthy. This is the only body that God has given me and I want to steward it well. Happy eating, everyone! I hope this is an encouragement to all.

We are tired.

So much has happened since I last blogged. The biggest thing is that we moved. But there is so much more that I must process it here...

Since January 28th we've been going non-stop. We moved and cleaned our old place for two days while Andrew had off. Then we unpacked just in time to pack again for Minnesota. The day before we left for MN, our washer was leaking from the upstairs closet through the floor to the kitchen downstairs. We fixed the problem (or so we thought) and went to bed. When I woke up and went downstairs, the floor was flooded with water and the ceiling was pocketed with pools and still dripping. This was literally 20 minutes before we had to leave for the airport. So we called our landlord and left a mess for him while we caught a flight out of here. We got to Minneapolis after a long day of flights with a restless, noisy toddler. We had about 24 hours before things went even more south.

While we were in Minneapolis (the day after we arrived), Sybil started throwing up. She threw up for 12 hours and woke up every three hours that night. The next day she had diarrhea...and the next, and the next. So, instead of visiting friends in MN, I was inside Ashley and Tristan's house almost the entire time tending to a sick baby. The day before we left, I was able to venture out for coffee with two different people. Then we came home and Sybil wasn't sleeping once again (and still isn't). It's February 10th and she is still sick (but with an ear infection now). Andrew has worked every day since we got back from MN and we've had something every night.

We are exhausted.

I told Andrew that I haven't felt this tired since I had a newborn. I know he feels almost the same. But in the midst of feeling so tired and being spent, I can't help but feel closer to God. I need him every hour and so I cannot ignore him like I so often do when things are going smoothly. As we were on the first flight to Minneapolis and Sybil was a mess (and all of the above had just happened), I felt the Spirit remind me that this all will soon be over. It's such a short time that we spend in discomfort. The flight will only last 2 hours. The sickness will only last a few weeks. The problems at the house will soon be fixed. Etc. Even in our darkest hour here, it's nothing compared to the darkness we'd experience away from God if he hadn't saved us. All of this craziness--although a lot to handle on our own--is nothing in light of eternity with Jesus. When I remind myself that Jesus reigns, and will forever, this light and momentary affliction is just that--light and momentary.

With that said, we're still praying for rest and for a break from this craziness soon.

I'm no movie critic, but...

I just watched a movie that I have to blog about. It was both entertaining and thought provoking. You are probably going to laugh when I tell you what it was, so I'm not going to tell you quite yet. And if you haven't seen it, go to the bottom of this post and look at the name before you read any further, because I WILL spoil it with the next several paragraphs.

Here's your chance to miss the spoiler...

So, the premise of the story is that a thief steals a very decent man's identity. The man is a hard-working family man who seems to have a pretty good moral compass. I don't know if he's a Christian, but based on what happens in the movie I would say he might be a Jesus follower. The thief, however, had been abandoned as a child, in and out of foster care all her life, and had no moral compass at all. Long story short, the man goes to get the thief and bring her back to his city to turn her in to the police and wipe his slate clean. On the journey back, he finds compassion for her and decides not to turn her in.

The thief sees something different in this man. She is changed by him. She longs to be loved by him. She takes advantage of his kindness. And then she realizes he is not going to turn her in. She starts to see the damage she has done to his life. She begins to see herself truly as a thief and realizes she needs to own up to what she has done. So she turns herself in.

When the man sees her confessing to the police, he asks her why she didn't run. She said, "I knew you could never turn me in, so I did it myself." And then she thanks him.

This is not even the best part.

She goes to jail. Blah-de-blah. But then, the man and his family visit her in jail regularly. They adopt her into their family. They share their lives with the one who ruined theirs'. They love her for who she is, not for what she has (or hasn't) done.

Are you kidding me? I was crying by the end of this, people. I mean, Jesus, much?
Who loves their enemies? Who adopts abandoned people with criminal records? Who loves expecting nothing in return? Who doesn't want the criminal to get what he/she deserves?

I mean, for real. I wanted to do prison ministry by the end of this movie. I was affected by this ridiculous movie (which I'm about to reveal). Like, soul-moving affected.

If you haven't figured it out yet, the movie was Identity Thief with Jason Bateman and Melissa McCarthy. Go ahead, laugh. But seriously watch it, with a gospel perspective. *Note: I am not endorsing this as a Christian movie. These are just my thoughts on a movie.

If you think I'm ridiculous and reading into another stupid movie, that's fine. But please read this last paragraph. Jesus has done this for us, you guys. He sees that we are criminals and that we've sinned against him, but instead of turning us in--because that would be the just thing to do--he takes our punishment on himself. And then to top it all off, he adopts us into his family. He makes all of us orphans his own and loves us just as we are, expecting nothing in return. And he calls us to live like this--to give grace to those who wrong us, to love the unloveable, to sacrifice our reputations to hang out with the criminals and the sinners, etc. He calls us to be like him. This is amazing. And because I love Jesus and love things that remind me of him, I love this movie.

The next time you see a stupid movie, don't just write it off. Who knows, maybe there's an arrow pointing to Jesus somewhere in it?