I'm not even sure where to start. My heart is bursting today with so many thankful thoughts. I'm about to share an excerpt from my journal from a few weeks ago. In it, I talk about the seasons changing and all that God has done in me over the last year. This feels very appropriate since my 31st (gasp) birthday is on Monday, and I celebrate the hardest year of my life coming to a close, and a new one beginning. I journal straight to the Lord, so if you get confused while reading, just remember I'm not talking to you :)
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With each season, I feel you doing something new. Last winter felt like nothing but darkness and affliction--death was everywhere I looked. My health was failing, my friends lost babies, and the days were long and cold. Then came Spring, and we went to Nashville. While there, you brought me hope and healing. I was prayed over and infused with life again--your Spirit within me, alive and well. And Summer, oh sweet Summer--it was blessing upon blessing, gratitude and thankfulness each day. My faith grew and grew and I saw you as a God who can truly do anything, and not only that, but began to pray that way. And now, as Fall approaches and leaves begin to change color and detach from branches all around, I feel again a new season in my life. This is a season of shedding off the old and putting on the new, a season of slimming down (in body and burden and material things), a season of letting go and moving on. I feel a season of answered prayers coming our way.
Fall has always been my favorite season since I can remember. There is so much beauty in change.
I thrive, not in the expected, but in the constant movement of change. I love the preparation as well as the journey, it's the staying that scares me. I've said this before, but I can't help but say it again...the beauty of Fall reminds me of the beauty of dying to ourselves. I love that the leaves reach their peak beauty, not in full bloom in the Summer, but on their way to death. May that be true in my life too. May I reach my peak beauty the closer I get to death--not the death of my body, but the death of my flesh. As I become less like Lindsey and more like Jesus, may I resemble the yellows, oranges and reds that burst before they hit the ground.
***
Although I wrote this weeks ago, I already see it playing itself out. Today I received a letter stating my hospital bill from December 2014, which was for $10,000, will be 100% covered. Praise God! For some reason, it had to take nine months to get approved. After paperwork, faxes, phone calls, debt collectors, and many trips to the mailbox, it has finally ended. I don't know how it took so long. Maybe it was because it had to get into the right hands, or that God was doing a work in my heart to trust Him in the stress of finances, or that He wanted to bless me in THIS season and not the last, or all of the above. But for whatever reason it may be, I am thankful that it is now. My God is my provider in each season, but man do I love that seasons change, and so do I. This year has taught me more about hope, faith, and love in the face of adversity. Jesus has changed me and I'm so thankful. I love change.
