Part 3: I'm still sick and waiting

It's Christmas Day. I've been out of the hospital for exactly one week, and I still feel the same.

It's been the longest week of my life. This trial has proven to continue on in every way. Sybil had the hardest time adjusting to me being away for a week and then back, but in bed all the time. She has done several things very uncharacteristic of herself: crying for hours, whining, being disobedient, having accidents in her pants, and not wanting to sleep. In addition to this, my medication has given me the following side effects: dizziness, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, and difficulty sleeping.

With all that said, the last week has been taken one day at a time--one moment at a time. There were days when I didn't get out of bed. Days where my only goal was to take a shower. Days where I put jeans on instead of sweatpants. And days where I wore make-up for the first time in weeks, just some powder and blush to give me some color. Each day, I have physically felt about the same with a few changes here and there. The nausea comes and goes each day. I feel a little like I'm pregnant without the rewards of a baby in the end. But overall, each day has gotten me closer and closer to the One who loves me.

I have felt the Pursuer come after me. As Christmas approached, and I felt worse and worse physically, I felt better and better spiritually. He came after me, showing me Christmas is truly about Him. When I have nothing to offer, it's much easier to receive the Gift before me. The more I suffer, the more I think of Christ's suffering and how much worse it was. And then. And only then, do I count it a privilege to suffer with Him. The most encouraging thing in all these days of suffering has been some sweet words from Charles Spurgeon:

"Do not think that as you grow in grace your path will become smoother and the sky calmer and clearer. Quite the contrary. As God gives you greater skill as a soldier of the cross, He will send you on more difficult missions. As He more fully equips your ship to sail in storms, He will send you on longer voyages to more boisterous seas, so that you may honor Him and increase in holy confidence."

Friends, this tells me God is doing what I asked of Him--sanctifying me, bringing me closer to Him, loosening my grip on the things of this earth, maturing my faith. Therefore, in the midst of this trial, I welcome this trial. Thank you, Jesus, for truth and hope in you.